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Sunday, 3 May 2009

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My geography teacher used to say that the best way to bring a man down is a sick wife, a house and land with a problematic deed and a run down old car.

Come court day of the suit over the land with the bad deed, the poor guy would attempt to start the car and would find that it made a coughing sound every time he turned on the ignition.

Then he would be forced to ask his wheezing wife to push the rickety old car. The car would cough a few times accompanied by the wheezing sound of the wife pushing the car with all her might. By the time the car got started, the poor old guy would have to rush his wife to the hospital instead of going to court!

There is this crazy guy near one of my friend’s offices. He carries this whistle every where he goes, you know the kind that traffic cops blow their lungs out on.

Well this dude, who doesn’t quite look like the loony he really is, during flights of his rare fancies would stand right in the middle of the road and start directing traffic, to a dead end! The drivers would curse and scold the guy to oblivion and go their own way.

Journalists are known for their love of booze. I’ve heard that some journalists write better while they were in ‘high spirit’ so to say. One such journalist was on his way home with another, more sober journalist at the wheel. While passing a truck, these journos realized that it was loaded with pumpkins.

And the drunken journo yelled, “Hey man your pumpkins are falling off.” The truck driver relieved that there were still a few good men in existence, got off to inspect how many pumpkins he could salvage, only to find that all the pumpkins were still snug inside the truck. The journo at the wheel sped away cursing the effect booze could have on journos.

One of our neighbours was unfortunate enough to go out one day on a motorbike, with an expired driver’s license and an oblivious wife. Worst of all, the cops stopped him at a check point! Fortunately he had his revenue and license insurance.

But one of the cops kept insisting on the driver’s license. My neighbour produced the license and waited for the bomb to drop. But nothing happened.

The cop didn’t so much as glance at the license in his hand. You can imagine the relief my neighbour felt when the cops said that they could be on their way. He was visibly eager to get away before the cops realized their mistake.

But the oblivious wife took her time asking what the huge rush was.

Reproaching her under his breath, for her ignorance my neighbour got on the motorbike and started off. He chided her for some time, saying that he had not renewed the license and that she should have known enough not to question and just got on the bike.

After a lapse of some minutes, a lack of reaction from his wife forced him to turn back, only to see that his wife was not sitting behind him! In his relief and hurry to get away from the cops he has left his wife behind! He immediately turned his bike around.

When he reached her she has already set off in the direction her husband went. Our poor neighbour ultimately had to endure his red faced and fuming wife’s reprimand all the way home.

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