Voetlights-the Lawyers’ roast | Sunday Observer

Voetlights-the Lawyers’ roast

So Siripala knows that our black coated hawks have a year end gathering during which no one is spared. The judges and the hawks are all given a roasting, in pursuance of a nonsensical colonial tradition they want to keep alive.

Anyway, this year’s gathering was apparently held at the Grand that is Cinnamon. And hear hear, a three course meal with the best spirits in town was served. Siripala is told that everyone who is someone at the Dorp has to be present at the event, and not only be present but dress in silk and fabrics that are only the purview of the rich and needy.

In cheer of the fleecing of the masses, and keeping alive the colonial hangover, the hawks cheered and shouted and roared and laughed, Sirpala is told. In the true Christmas spirit and in the true spirit of the hawks’ guess what the Guest of Honour toasted to?. Aney it’s an easy guess ah. All the lawyers laughed and clapped for you know what?

“ Whether you win the case or lose the case don’t forget that the clients always pay”, and that darlings is what everyone at the hall said “aye aye” to.

The nomination conundrum

So the last two weeks was all about nominations no. Haiyo Siripala has had enough of it now. Why men, the only bloody thing you see on TV is about some jokers going and handing over papers, and some other jokers being rejected.

But can you believe it, our Mahinda mama had got seventy one nomination lists rejected?. I don’t know how these people were in charge of a country men without being able to fill a damn form?.

It can’t be rocket science no? just to get the names and numbers right and the signatures at the right place, how difficult can that be?. Anyway, Mahinda mama and Jim pappa have got everyone into a big soup because they didn’t get the basics right. Just like when they were in government. Kathawa dolawen, Gamana payin. !!!

The JVP fix

So you know our red boys no. They seem to be the only competent lot capable of sticking to their words and doing something. Remember how they kept Thissamaharama spick and span and then lost the damn thing, not knowing what happened.

Anyway, the Red Boys tag line all the time was - unuth ekai - munuth ekai, remember. That’s what they are telling our darlings this time also no. Like a broken record.

But Siripala actually thought about it and while thinking about it, he suddenly got a news alert “ 31 JVPers join SLFP”. Aney manda. Only then did Siripala realize that all these buggers are the same no. Every Red Boy who was someone had jumped from this pole to that pole, and they continue to do so.

Remember their first Presidential Candidate? Nandana. The man also left the party and what is more, the leader of the party also left the party, no men. Somey boy also said enough is enough and left in a huff.

So what else to say men for us except to say- umbala thungollama ekai.

The kuruminiya and the asbestos

Haiyo, so the Russians had us all in a fix last week no. The tea boys must’ve been really worried. Why men 400 million dollar customer to be lost is not a small thing for a big country like us, no.

Anyway, Putin ayya had found a small kuruminiya in one of the packages sent to them, or so they say. And everyone was gunning for the company which sent the package with the kuruminiya. “ who sent the kuruminiya?” they all shouted in unison,

Only to realize that the real issue wasn’t about a kuruminiya. Uncle Navin told the journos that this was a tit-for tat by Putin ayya for the asbestos ban. And guess what our wonderful leaders do? Pronto- lift the asbestos ban. Why men, our people can take a bit of cancer as long as we make some money no!!

Oh Jerusalem

My God, Uncle Trump had the world in a huff last week, when he told the United Nations “machangs I am watching your vote, if you vote against my move you will suffer” like the true bully he is. So everyone waited with abated breath- why men for all the millions of dollars of aid and trade they can’t piss this mad man off no. Imagine pissing the man off - “ No more aid for you”

They waited and waited for the UN vote on the move, to see if the world would be bullied. And Trump was made to feel as little as his hands no?.. Only 9 countries voted with him and the 9 were countries like the Honduras and the Marshall Islands, who can’t go to the loo without Trump ayya’s aid. The rest of the world said No can do. China, Russia, France, Japan, England and Germany led the way, telling Trump and his erstwhile buddy Netanyahu - where to get off. Hear Hear !!!