Teenage crushes and relationships are an early approximation of romantic love and have a significant role play in the journey of adolescence. These crushes and relationships are formed by finding someone whom they feel attracted to and exited to be around with and spend a lot of time with.
Beginning romantic relationships are a major part of growing up and is advanced by this influential experience, most often for the good, but sometimes not. It can be uncomfortable for some parents to come to terms with their child dating. Particularly if it’s during middle school years, it is normal for parents to feel scared, worried or sometimes sad about it. Perhaps they may even feel the urge to discourage their child pursuing relationships in their teens, but the truth is that it always won’t work.
Is this a time for parents to hit the panic button and switch to an advisory mode saying,“this is not the age for all this”, “concentrate on your studies”, and “don’t waste your time on unwanted things”?
Not at all, because these kids on the other hand cannot help feeling this way. Teenage relationships come naturally with adolescence just like acne, facial hair or mood swings. As for them a crucial journey of discovery has just begun. They are testing themselves and their world through their masculine and feminine social roles. All these changes are being determined by their natural hormonal cycle over which they have no control.They are simply starting to understand and acknowledge different attributes and characteristics that interest them. Usually attraction for each other is for a different reason. It is completely normal. Our adolescents’ pioneering efforts to seek out this sustaining and sustainable love, clumsy and consuming as these efforts may sometimes be, still deserve to be honoured and respected by their parents.
What would you do if you find out that your teenager is in love?
When you get to know about your teen’s ‘true love’ as he/she may call it, don’t start up a fight and blow it out of proportion.
Remember Newton’s third law of motion? “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. He could have well called it the first law of teenagers.
Being a mother of a teenager myself, I quite understand that handling teens in love is a bit of a roller coaster. There are a lot of emotions involved when teens start dating. Not only are these adolescents overwhelming enough with school stress, navigating friendships and dealing with hormones, relationships add a whole other layer to the cake. Rather than telling them what they can’t do, tell them what they can. The more you declare something “off limits” the more your teen will want to do it. By keeping in the positive, you are less likely to be met with rebuttals and angry outbursts. Instead of admonishing your kid over his or her decision, try to be patient. Sit down with him or her and clearly state that while you are not against love, you would prefer, for both to become adults before making any major decisions about their lives. Maintain an open communication with your kid. A good rapport is necessary to make sure that your point when made, is impactful and taken in good terms. Rather than being a parent, be a friend to your teenager. In this way you can be sure your kid will not hide any personal information from you.
As parents, it is our moral responsibility to make sure that our kids learn to distinguish between fact and fiction. Although parenting a teenage kid would drive us up the wall sometimes, we need to understand that they are still young children struggling to get their own foothold while going through loads of changes within.So, we need to be patient, understanding and gentle. This is the best way you could get through to your adolescent kid!
How should parents handle their teen who is in a relationship?
Once your child starts dating, don’t stop talking to them about relationships.Dating doesn’t go as you expect, your child may need someone to talk to if he/she has a problem. The best way to show support is to be open to talking about their relationship. Let your child know he/she can come to you for support. You need to keep the lines of communication open and reiterate to them how they should treat people and expect to be treated.
Have a watchful eye regarding curfew violations and honesty in terms of the five ‘W’, who, when, what, where and why they are going and what they are doing.
- Make it mandatory for your teen to let you know where they are going, who they are going to be with, what they will be doing and when they will be arriving.
- Set rules about how and who they can travel with simply as a matter of safety.
- Have a set time your teen is expected to be home.
- Have your teen call at set times and let you know where he is and that they are okay.
- You will also need to talk to your teen about what is and what is not appropriate when it comes to physical aspects of dating.
Communicate with your teen and get to know them better. Let them know that you trust them to do the right things and make the right choices. Firmly explain to them that Consequences must also be met if they fail to do the right thing.
What if you must disapprove the relationship your child is involved in?
Whatever you do, don’t ridicule your child. No matter how unrealistic the crush or inappropriate the relationship. Your child’s feelings are real and should be respected. Communication is key. If you make fun of his or her feelings, your child may become secretive about this as well as any future relationships.
Try not to be judgmental. Discuss with your kid what is important in your family,about dating, sex, and the bottom line when it comes to who your kid can become involved with. It may be hard to see your child growing up and finding new people to get close to, but if you take the right steps and teach them how relationships are supposed to be, they are much more likely to make the right choices.
Be an understanding parent and support your child through this dilemma. Seize the opportunity to explain your disapproval with love and reassurance.