Distribution of New Year resolutions | Sunday Observer

Distribution of New Year resolutions

1 January, 2017

A must on 31 December, apart from seeing the old year out and the new in, is making resolutions. This feline was an ace cat for making resolutions from the minor to the major. When a kitten, her resolutions were of the nature of “I won’t be greedy.” “I’ll not get angry with Ira whatever she does to me.” Later, it was more matters of the heart: “I’ll stop longing for a boyfriend.” This because, as a teenager, while others had admiring looks, declarations of love in surreptitiously smuggled letters and even gifts of small blue vials of ‘Evening in Paris’, yours truly was the eternal wallflower. Then came promises of not taking offence at sins of omission and commission committed by the worse half. Those years the ‘I will do-s’ and the ‘I won’t do-s’ were a mile long. The making of resolutions was finally terminated, once it was realized that they were all, each one of them, broken before the first month of the new year was through.

This 31st, while watching the New Year in, all alone but happily, with a glass of wine instead of milk to be sipped, not lapped, the feline mind got busy, churning out resolutions for those we see and hear all the time in print and on TV. They are the most seen but least tolerated. Most of them are intensely disliked by this feline.

Resolutions freely distributed

I transfer a resolution to the Big Boss of Yesteryear to eliminate his modesty and to come forward as he did long ago all over the place and make a speech when there is a controversy on; give his opinion straight off his own bat; attend Parliamentary sessions when they are on and without shyfying, announce out loud his ‘yea’ or his ‘nay’. If ever there is a crucial vote to be taken, this MP representing Kurunegala (isn’t it?) is invariably absent. His mouthpieces and minions have to express opinions according to his wishes and get hooted and booed. He is safely home, or wherever he spends his free time. Another very important resolution: stop making a Buddhist temple the private political headquarters. The monk in charge may be ever willing to loan his temple premises for even the sounding off of insults, curses et al but Buddhists do not approve of temple premises being used for non-religious purposes, more so politicking.

Resolutions are freely gifted to Geneva Losing Prof turned politician. Incidentally, he’s earned another name ‘flower bud’. That of course is because he held aloft an unopened lotus flower as he proclaimed the birth of a new political party. What’s its name? This question is not due to memory loss on the part of this cat with nine lives, but because of the unimportance cum insignificance of the professor-midwifed political party. Won’t translate flower bud to Sinhala as it sounds too sweet and it is also the term used by the Veddah community for their little children: kekula and kekuli. The resolution for this green (as in raw, immature, new to it) politician is to not go about the bush in Sinhala and English both, very clever at circumlocution, but to come to the point and further, not hypnotize the listener with the constant shrug of shoulder and shake of head.

Now to two Loud Mouths. This feline wishes permanent laryngitis on them. But the gods above seem benevolent and keep them healthy so they can shout into mikes and TV sound gathering gadgets, deafening us TV viewers and sickening us too. Gods are never fools, so maybe their kindness shown now is to lead them to what Gods eventually give fools – insanity!

Both are short so how does this cat distinguish one from the other in her resolution conferring? Well, to the suave one who was saved from death’s door while he was fasting unto his last deep breath but having lemon puff under his pillow, by the Big Boss benevolently offering him a glass of tambili, which he weakly sipped being dragged from death’s door at the nth hour, I hope he resolves not to seem so smart and suave. It may go down with the gals but not the guys, most rough and tumble sorts. It will be worse if they get a whisper of a hint that the suavity is salon induced, salon creamed on. This cat heard it said he goes all the way to Singapore for a trimonthly face-do. The resolution to him is to realize that people see him and his wife, (beloved or otherwise) often on the drive to the FICD or the other place on passport matters: two in hand, one an illicit dpl passport. So please not to be so goody goody and treat all others as sinners. Also a resolution not to pose as saving the nation (of Sri Lanker) singlehandedly. Pseudo-patriotic are his shouted out diatribes.

Definitely to the Gaman man, the resolution to get some points noted down, some solid stuff, even minor, to speak about instead of opening that wide gab and mouthing inanities. All sound and spittle, signifying nothing! He tries to talk on every single matter that crops up and ultimately says - Nothing.

The resolution for Senasinghe from Kandy side and Trinity: intelligent, outspoken and handsome, is to not be so fiery. Tempers must be kept in control, even if eternally verbally dueling with fools and idiots. There is another MP somewhat like him; the savior of the Mid East maids, quick to lose his temper. After all he was known as One Shot or some such sobriquet. He is to be admired: refused to accept that extra Rs one lakh pocket money donated to all MPs by Ranil, the Generous. Who else has refused this handout? Has rich G L Peiris said he needs it not, JO and leader of a new party as he is? Not on your life!

Like gift giving Santa, who must be hibernating in his Greenland igloo after all the work done worldwide on Christmas Eve, in addition to kissing Mamas under mistletoe, this feline could hand out many more resolutions since her middle name is Generosity, but she doesn’t want to emulate many JO pedants who bore us with their speeches. Brevity is beautiful, like Rachel Carson said of Small.

So, it’s the best of good wishes for a New Year where real yahapalanaya will prevail and the above resolutions will be kept by those they were bequeathed to.