Loku Aiya’s death is still a dark dream that I want to wake up from. It has been three months since my ‘guardian angel’ passed away. My elder brother, Lokuu, who was 10 years older than I, was my father too, especially after our father passed away four years ago.
Lokuu was the eldest in the third generation of the Wickramasinghe family. He is fondly called Kushi (Happiness) by all relatives. I now know that name fits him. There is no happiness when he is not with us. I am sure the place taken by Kushi in the hearts of this extended family can never be replaced by any other child. He played a key role in this big family; all punchis, mamas, and cousins phoned him for any matter. My dad’s mom used to adore little Kushwant.
No doubt, he was the fairest and most good-looking child in my family. Sometimes, I used to argue (for fun) with Amma and Lokuu, saying only he was given all herbal drinks to grow into a well-built, fair and smart man.
Lokuu was an outgoing personality; I have wondered several times about his PR skills as he had associated with the top-most level to the lowest man in society. He could not earn millions of rupees, but he earned hundreds of people. I doubt there were people around our village temple who did not know who ‘Ananda’ is. He was very committed to his office work too; all his commitments to work were paid off since his brief illness.
Father’s last few days before death were another tough time for all of us. Dad was proud of Lokuu; on the deathbed, one night dad had told him ‘Thanks, Buds’ (Dad’s pet name for him was Buds) – just two words, but they meant a lot. During dad’s last breath, I do not forget the last smile he had at Lokuu. We felt it was an expression of happiness for having Lokuu there.
Lokuu was Amma’s right hand since his childhood days. Even as a small child, he went through and experienced many challenges in supporting Amma to build the family. His words on the last night of his life, as I heard, repeat in my mind, Pau, Amma thaniyen aththe. Lokuu never wanted to express, but he loved Amma. He was a pillar of strength for the whole family.
Even after my marriage, in many situations, Lokuu received my first call to seek advice. Lokuu’s presence and guidance gave me a ‘secure’ feeling. Every time I needed Lokuu, he adjusted his office work and other plans just to make sure my work was done. Lokuu’s love and care for me was so much. I will never forget how I got scolded from him for being late after a gathering; even my dad had not scolded me like that. He was not happy even if I was away for a few days. But he motivated me to move to the UK; I still remember how happy he was to hear that I got visa approval.
He took me to all the places on the day I finalised my flight tickets. Sometime later, I got to know from Amma that he had not felt fit that day, but he did not want to disappoint my plans. So, he bore the pain just because of me. The sacrifices he made for me were countless. Exactly a week after I received the visa, Lokuu was first hospitalised. It was the very first day in my life that I cried loudly; and since then, my wet eyes are unstoppable.
When I was short of money for migration, he promised to borrow some from a friend. Before being hospitalised, I realised his ring was missing. Later, I understood he secretly pawned it to give me money. He did not want me to know, as I would not allow it. The biggest sacrifice he made for me could be his life. When his health started deteriorating, the doctor wanted him to get admitted soon. But he refused, saying he would get admitted after a week, which means after my departure. He tried; he tried to hold his weakening self as he wanted to come with me to the airport. Destiny was unfair. Just four days after I told him goodbye, he was taken away from the entire world. I could not even be there.
Words cannot explain how empty my life is with the thought that he is no more. Since the day he closed his eyes, my entire life became dark. Amma, Sudu Aiya (Yashan) will miss Lokka of our house forever.
– Narmada Anandakumar
