Dr. Abraham T. Kovoor, a pioneer in the Rationalist Movement of Sri Lanka, said in one of his public lectures that children were born with blank minds. He compared new-born babies with empty purses. Modern psychologists have proved him wrong. In their opinion, babies are born with some kind of intelligence. As they grow up, they show adults what they cannot see.
A red kite came as a gift for one of my friends. He assumed it was for his five-year-old son. When he was wondering what to do with the kite, some children in the neighbourhood and his own son gathered round him and pleaded, “Let’s go fly it.” He glanced at the load of paper work he had to do lying on the table. On second thought, he realised that it was a perfect kite-day full of bright sunlight, wind and a blue sky. So off they went to a nearby beach to fly the kite.
He watched as the children tried to coax the kite into the slippery fingers of the winds. One of them asked him to fly the kite as it was his. Then he took hold of the kite and trotted it off shyly. When the kite caught a current, children started cheering him. The kite soared higher and higher and all the children looked at it with excitement.
Childlike spirit
While tugging at the kite string he felt that he had neglected his childlike spirit which was buried under his office work. This can happen to any adult who has left all the vestiges of childhood to take life seriously.
Most adults cheat themselves thinking that they are cut off from their capacity to be simple, spontaneous, trusting and open to life. All adults should realise that these traits need not die as they grow older. If they open themselves, they can reclaim their healthy, childlike spirit.
One day, I passed a children’s park where a child was swinging. A man who appeared to be his father was simply looking at the swing. Suddenly, he joined in the swinging while looking at his son lovingly. I thought that he had found an oasis of childlike play. Most adults are confined to their workplaces dulling themselves to the joys of simple pleasures. If they try, they can punctuate their work with bits of playfulness.
We need to work to earn money. While working we should be able to enjoy life. According to experts, those who stay in touch with life’s joys are the most productive employees. There is a charisma about them that attracts customers. The problem most of us face is that we cannot let go unless we are in the company of children. In a way, they give us permission to behave like children.
Parents who play with their children belong to a special class. At the weekend, parents can join their children to wash vehicles, mop the floor and water the flower-beds. Such playful activities give adults vim, vigour and vitality. When you play with children, it lightens your hearts and you can enjoy your day.
Nature’s creations
Children look at nature’s creations with wonder and excitement. They would ponder the belly of a caterpillar outside the window. They would press their noses against the glass window and study the caterpillar’s flowing crawl in hushed wonder.
If you can watch a caterpillar in the same way, you will be caught up in their awe as well. The trouble with adults is that they are preoccupied with goals in life and they forget to wonder when they see a beautiful rose.
It is a tragedy that adults do not see things as children see them. Even the great Greek philosopher Aristotle taught that philosophy begins in wonder. In that respect, children are better philosophers than adults. Children question everything under the sun.
They wonder why the sky is blue and why dogs wag their tails. However, adults take everything without questioning.
Children dare to be themselves. If you ask a child to draw a bird, he will draw a bird and colour it purple. You have no right to say that there are no purple birds. The child will insist that his bird is purple without disputing over the colour of the bird. Instead of criticising, encourage your child to draw more purple birds. You should respect the child’s creative ability and individuality. Many of the world’s artistic creations and scientific discoveries have sprung from such childlike daring.
Unconditional love
Perhaps the greatest lesson children can teach adults is to be in touch with the heart. They also teach us about the importance of unconditional love. One day, a little child spilled a glass of grape juice on a new carpet. His mother let loose a torrent of angry words. However, later she apologised to the child, saying that it was only an accident and she was wrong to have yelled at him. The child said, “It’s okay mom, I love you when you are good and when you are sad.” His words sank deep into her heart.
If you look at things with a child’s heart, you will see them rightly. Children have this heart vision in whatever they do. Sometimes, we need children to show us things we are unable to see. In their openness to life, children see everything. Unfortunately, adults do not see everything in life as children do.
You may have seen mothers trying to control their boisterous boys while their little daughters do not give them any trouble. This is because little boys need more space than little girls.
In their early life, boys experience surges of testosterone that can leave them desperate to rush around and unwilling to take part in precision-based behaviour. Psychologists say that painting and other tabletop activities often work better for boys. They also like huge pieces of paper and big pens to draw pictures.
Sole breadwinner
Family life has changed over the years. A few decades ago, the father was the sole breadwinner in the family and mother remained a housewife looking after the children. Today, most fathers and mothers are employed and children grow up with their grandparents or maids. Most children believe that their parents value success on the job more than being good parents. They resent this behaviour on the part of their parents.
Children want to play with their parents and ask questions about their workplaces and learn more about life. However, they are often pushed back by comments such as “Can’t you see I am busy?” or “What do you want to know?” As a result, children feel rejected.
Children do not want to see their parents in a grumpy mood. Parents fail to understand that children need their comfort and attention all the time. A child may have a bad day and he wants to talk to you. If you ignore him, he will feel neglected or cheated. Children expect undivided attention from their parents. However, fathers talk to their children while reading the newspaper or watching television. Mothers too talk to their children while cooking or cleaning the house.
Children want to tell their parents what they did in school or what they are afraid of. Answering their questions can make an enormous difference in their emotional satisfaction and security. When you criticise your children, they will not know how to respond. Just as no one is flawless, no one is consistently imperfect.
Children expect their parents not to harp on the negative but to focus on their good points. If you respect their wishes, it will build their self-esteem. Children growing up today accept as normal to have both parents at work.
However, they still expect their own needs to be met. By playing close attention to their needs, parents can learn a lot from their children about how to live in harmony.
