Amma – Gamage Asoka Rohini Nanayakkara Jayasena (February 15,1932 – February 4, 2025) – passed away just shy of her 93rd birthday in Colombo in the same family compound her father acquired and built a house in, and where she had lived most of her life.
Since her fall in 2016, she had been mostly, confined to a wheelchair, but till recently was able to have a decent quality of life.
She was diligently looked after by a series of caregivers supervised by her only daughter Padmini, whose house she moved into after her fall. Padmini and her husband Anura did all they could to make her comfortable, and attend to all her needs. Her son Nalin, the youngest of her four children, was on family medical leave to be with her when she passed away after a sudden, but brief illness.
It’s fitting that she died on February 4, Sri Lanka’s Independence Day. She was a young girl when, in 1948, Sri Lanka became an independent country. When she was born, Ceylon was still a colony of the British Empire.
Born in 1932 in Colombo to a middle-class family, she was raised in a setting of comfort and privilege, as she was the only child till she was ten years old when her brother was born. Her parents Newton and Nobia (nee De Alwis) Nanayakkara were both from Southern Sri Lanka. Her father was a teacher and an administrator at the Education Department, and her mother, who was a very affectionate and warm person, stayed home to raise the children.
She attended Holy family Convent in Colombo for her elementary and high school education.
She recalled how strict the Irish nuns were at the Convent, and that in those days even the April New Year was not a holiday in Sri Lanka as it followed the British calendar.
Thereafter, she attended the newly founded Peradeniya University to study Ceylon and Indian History. Subsequently, she joined the teaching service and one of her first jobs was at a school in Udahamulla, which at that time from, what she told me, was very rural. It is only two miles outside of Colombo and now highly urbanised and populated, a far cry from what it was in the 1950s.
She married our father, S.H. (Chandra) Jayasena in 1958.
Subsequently, she joined St. Paul’s, Milagiriya as a teacher, and worked there for over 25 years till her retirement in 1989, by which time she was the school’s Vice Principal. During the troubled days of 1989, she decided to migrate to the United States to educate her son who had just completed high school. She was not entirely happy leaving, because her daughter at that time was expecting her first baby. But the conditions in the country were so bad and unsafe that she decided it was the right thing to do, not for her own sake but for the sake of her sons.
On her return, she worked at a private school for many years to keep herself occupied. At this time, she enrolled and competed a Master’s degree program at the Buddhist and Pali University. She had embarked on a Master’s in education at the University of Manchester in England when she and my father were studying there, but she never completed the degree on that occasion.
I remember fondly how one afternoon she wanted to skip class and I, in a reversal of roles of parent and child, chided her and dropped her at the University.
In 2016, her son, Mevan Siri died of heart failure at the age of 53. He had many health challenges, and was unable to live independently and lived with my mother.
At his funeral, I asked how she was coping. Despite possessing a very tender and calm exterior, she was very stoic. “I am very sad,” she said. “But I did everything possible for him, when he was alive, so I am at peace with myself and have no regrets.”
Soon after, she had a devastating fall and broke her hip. She never walked again, but for the past eight years, received exceptional care at home with 24-hour caregivers. Gradually, her memory started fading. I noticed it was deteriorating rapidly.
Last time I visited her in November 2024, she still remembered me and her grandchildren, but she was very quiet and spoke very little. I missed talking to her because I used to have long phone calls with her sometimes lasting over an hour. Most of all, I missed her counsel. Even to a grown adult, your mother can impart such wisdom and knowledge.
In 2023, her husband of 65 years passed away at the age of 91.
She was a devout Buddhist, but practised her faith in her day-to-day life with loving-kindness (metta). She had no particular penchant for going to Temples, but she loved her pilgrimage to India to visit the Buddhist sacred sites.
She was a kind and compassionate person, who worked tirelessly for the betterment of her children and family. My siblings and I often wonder what our lives would have been like if not for her support and dedication. We could always count on her, for she was a solid presence.
Not only was she kind and generous, but also had immense patience. Raising four children almost by herself as my father was mostly abroad, was no easy task. But she did it with class. Her life is a lesson for all of us, parents.
She was charitable to those around her. She didn’t have a lot of money, but that didn’t matter to her at all. Material things didn’t have much value to her. When she got older, she gave away most of her possessions. She always entertained whoever dropped by when we were growing up in Sri Lanka, with its informal culture of people stopping by the house at all times. Nobody would ever be turned away if they showed up at lunchtime, as it was her family custom to feed anyone who showed up.
She was pre-deceased by her parents, her son Mevan and our father. Also, her sister Dr. Damayanthi Seneviratne who was 11 years her junior, passed on before her.
She is survived by her brother, Dr. Nalin Nanayakkara and her three children Padmini, Rohan and Nalin, five grandchildren Anuruddha, Duminda, Athulya, Seth and Ayomi, and numerous cousins, nephews and nieces.
Several Buddhist religious observances were performed after her death. The customary seventh-day bana and alms-giving, and a bana on April 20 were among these events. On May 4, at the three month mark of her passing, a Dane was offered to 11 bhikkhus at my sister’s home, with close friends and family present.
We will all miss her very dearly.
May she attain the supreme bliss of Nirvana. – Rohan Jayasena
