When asked how he would determine if the people of a nation are happy and content, an octogenarian said, “’If the elderly and the children are happy, then that is a happy nation!’” Though his words are simple, can we not see the profound meaning they hold? Childhood and old age are both beautiful stages of life, each with its unique charm. Children’s enthusiasm and innocence blend well with the elderly people’s serene wisdom.
Celebrating both children and elders on the same day, October 1, highlights that every period of one’s life is precious – every stage, from the sunny beginning to the calm end, is beautiful!
Nelson Mandela once said, “A society that does not value its older people denies its roots and endangers its future”. Mandela also spoke passionately about the importance of children, emphasising that they are the future of our society and deserve to be nurtured and protected “As a nation, we all must make sure that the hearts of the children are filled with sunshine. How precious are those children to us? They are worth every happiness that life can bring.”
What we often hear in society is a discussion about what governments can do to improve the lives of children or what welfare facilities they can provide to ensure a safe and happy life for them. However, everything should start at the home level. Creating a safe environment for children begins at home, as does caring for the elderly and ensuring their happiness without relegating them to elders’ homes.
The stories shared in the article tell us how we can make our society a better place by listening to children and the elderly alike, by taking care of them, and above all by choosing our words carefully. Kindness, compassion, and understanding are essential.
Expectations
A retired pharmacist, now in his eighties, told the Sunday Observer that his main hope now is to live a calm, stress-free life. More than anything, he wants to teach younger people how to be resilient. With the wisdom he’s gained over the years, he believes elders can share their life stories to guide children and help them grow stronger. By showing them the way through their own experiences, elders set an example that encourages the next generation to handle life’s ups and downs with greater strength.
An educationist, with experience in the Middle East and Europe, after working in Sri Lanka, shared her observations on Sri Lankan children. She acknowledged that they enjoy great opportunities, but noted that many children experience hectic childhoods due to the pressures of intense exam preparations. “It’s a double-edged sword,” she said. “Parents should avoid placing excessive pressure on their children. They should be encouraged to use their creativity and imagination—writing stories, poems, drawing, and enjoying nature,” she said.
Another elderly medical doctor expressed her satisfaction with the younger generation, noting that despite their reputation for being glued to their phones, they often show respect for their elders. She particularly praised the Alpha generation, who manage to live happily yet without ignoring the needs of older individuals. “I can’t generalise about everyone,” she said, “but my grandchild is very attentive to my needs. My daughter sometimes raises her voice and can be a bit rude. There are times when she forgets to bring my medicine on time. Yet, the little one, even while studying for exams, makes sure all my needs are met,” she said
When asked if she would like to see any changes, she expressed a desire to have more social gatherings in Sri Lanka, where children and the elderly can spend quality time together.
Creating opportunities
A businessman in his late seventies, emphasised the importance of interaction with children as a way to help prevent diseases such as Alzheimer’s and dementia. “We need more opportunities to connect with the younger generation,” she said. “Engaging with children not only brings joy but also stimulates our minds. It keeps us active and involved in life.” She highlighted how conversations, games, and shared activities can help keep memories sharp and foster emotional bonds.
“Having more social gatherings where children and seniors can interact would be wonderful,” she said. “It’s not just beneficial for us; it enriches the children’s lives too. They learn from our experiences and stories, while we find happiness in their energy and curiosity.”
He believes such connections are vital for creating a healthier, happier community where both generations can thrive together.
A mother of a ten-year-old told the Sunday Observer that her father and son share a unique bond with each other. “They bond over their interests and both have a childlike spirit, mixing joy with genuine wisdom,” she said. This heartwarming relationship between grandfather and grandson finely displays the magic that occurs when the innocence of youth meets the experience of age.
She also highlighted the need to recognise the rights of both elders and children. “Just as children need a safe and nurturing environment to grow, older adults should have the opportunity to lead fulfilling lives with easy access to everything.” Both groups require love and support to thrive, creating a world where every generation feels valued.
Matter of concern
A caretaker at an elder’s home in a fancy urban city in Sri Lanka, who prefers to remain anonymous, shared with the writer her deep sadness at witnessing elders spending their twilight years in such institutions, especially in a country where the extended family system is still valued in high esteem. She said that many children visit their parents only rarely, while some never come at all. Although some children send money to their parents regularly, she said that financial support alone cannot replace the emotional connection.
“I’ve watched too many take their last breaths in loneliness,” she said, her voice heavy with emotion. “It’s heartbreaking to see those who devoted their lives to raising their children face such solitude in their final days.” She urged the writer to shed light on this issue, noting that many of these children later regret their choices.
“It’s vital for families to remember their responsibilities. While society and the government should provide support and care for the elderly, the primary responsibility lies with the family,” she added. Her plea draws attention to the importance of compassion and connection, reminding us that love and presence are what truly matter in the lives of our elders.
Elders in Norway
A Sri Lankan chef who has lived in Scandinavian countries such as Norway shared his experience with the writer regarding elderly care programs. He was impressed by the high level of care and attention given to seniors. “While we often think Asians are the best caregivers, I was delighted to see the freedom enjoyed by the elderly in Norway,” he said. “They have various programs aimed at boosting mental health and overall well-being. There are dedicated days for activities that keep them engaged and happy.”
He said the infrastructure in place, which includes easy access to public spaces and recreational areas, making life more enjoyable for seniors. “It’s a different world,” he remarked, highlighting the respect and dignity afforded to older people in these countries. He added that Sri Lanka should look to such models and develop more comprehensive care for the elderly.
Known for their strong social welfare systems, countries like Norway, Sweden, and Denmark offer excellent healthcare, free education, and, most importantly, generous parental leave policies. The Chef said that he often observed children and the elderly enjoying leisurely moments in parks, where they appeared genuinely relaxed. Elderly couples are often seen seated happily on garden benches, chatting, while grandchildren spend quality time with their grandparents as well as parents. “I have never seen such happiness anywhere else,” he remarked.
Words do matter
Parents have to be extremely careful of the choice of words and tone they use when addressing their own children. It is not wise to compare them with others and there is ample psychological evidence that a child who has faced negative comments from parents or close relatives grows up with them and in turn, they affect them once they are teenagers. Of more than 10 similar examples, the following is the most significant and every parent should take this into consideration.
A teacher who spoke to the writer expressed the story of a girl, one of her students who was at an AL class whom she thought was bright and had a strong potential but did not perform that well. The student was very particular about her own behaviour and appearance though according to the teacher the child was quite good looking.
She said this girl was sensitive but was never willing to share her feelings and thoughts with others. However, later this student had told the teacher that she often feels unimportant and she is worried that her complexion is dark. It was later revealed that the student’s mother had continuously compared her with a cousin of hers, who was fairer and whom she believed to be brighter.
“It was difficult for us to remove that negative feeling from the student and finally she was very secretly directed for counseling. She got over these feelings and I am so happy that she recently passed out from the university and is currently working at a finance firm. She is brimming with confidence now.”
What the teacher highlighted was that sometimes parents do not know the amount of damage they do to their children by comparing them with others and judging them.
The above is a case of a wonderful teacher, but there are also instances where teachers behave irresponsibly in ways that can negatively affect a student’s mentality. A parent shared with the writer a troubling case in which a teacher bullied a child for having large eyes, telling him, “Oya Vidiyata Modaya Wage Balanna Epa” (don’t look at me like a fool). The situation worsened when the same teacher became his class teacher.
“My son refused to go to school, and I noticed a significant change in his behaviour. He wanted to switch schools, but that wasn’t practically possible. I asked him what had caused this sudden change, but he was too timid to speak up, fearing that my husband would punish him for telling ‘lies.’ He said, ‘Thaththa Banee Mata’ (Father will scold me).”
However, after some persistent questioning, a friend of my son revealed that “Supun” (not his real name) wanted to wear a pair of spectacles for no reason because the teacher made harsh remarks about his slightly large eyes.
I decided to speak to the principal. The teacher was then thoroughly advised, and my son was assigned to a different class. Later, the teacher apologised,” the mother said.
Such stories are fine proof that, just as the safety of children at home is crucial, their emotional well-being should also be a priority. “Each word you utter matters. With kind words, you can create a kinder world,” the mother said.
Elders are no permanent baby-sitters
When it comes to elders, while they should be allowed to spend time with their grandchildren, it is wrong to use them as full-time babysitters.
Of the more than 12 elders I spoke to, many revealed that although they dearly love their grandchildren, it is not easy to look after them all the time. They cannot be full-time babysitters.
A 75-year-old retired media professional shared with the writer that it is exhausting to constantly shuttle his grandchildren around.
“I’m on the road all day, taking my grandkids to Montessori, school, and tuition. I have no free time, not even to go to the temple when I want,” he said. He added that his wife’s situation is no better, as she has become a full-time cook, not only for her children but also for their grandchildren. She longs to lead a more religious life.
When asked why he doesn’t tell his children that they are overburdened, he said that he doesn’t want to ‘create an unpleasant situation.’ His love for his children is so strong that he doesn’t want to ‘hurt them.’
He is of the view that his children should understand this on their own!
His story, many like it, reflects a common situation in Sri Lanka. So when caring for elders, it also means being mindful of and sensitive to their needs. In short, you have to see the world through their eyes.
Ultimately, what matters most is living a happy, safe, and carefree life. Children deserve a bright future filled with joy and countless years of happiness, while elders who have dedicated their lives to their families should spend their final years surrounded by love and contentment. The happiness of both children and elders reflects the overall well-being of society.
In a community where both young and old can flourish, there’s a real sense of connection and happiness. This kind of society encourages relationships, supports growth, and values the wisdom that comes with age.
