During her last year in school, she found out that her boyfriend had cheated on her again. She broke up with him during lunchtime. He became enraged as she walked away to her class but he didn’t follow her. After class had begun, she heard the door swing open, which was at the front of the classroom.
Her heart sank.
He stayed at the door and looked toward the teacher and said to him in front of the whole class, “I need to speak to you right now.”(not in nice words)
He pointed at her, then he turned to her and said, “Bitch, get your f*****stupid ass out here now.”
Everybody turned and looked at her in shock but nobody said a word. The teacher said nothing. She had never been so humiliated in her life. In that moment, she had two choices: she could either sit there or continue to be belittled in front of everyone because he wasn’t going to leave, and nobody else was going to say or do anything, or she could walk out and be shamed anyway because she had given into his threats.
She wanted to disappear.
She walked out because she was mortified. She never imagined such shame and at 16 years old, understood it even less. As they walked down the hall, he spit in her face, pulled her necklace off her neck, threw it in the trashcan and he threw her up against the lockers. He threatened her.
It was in those moments that she felt most alone. It was those incidents that left long-lasting emotional scars. Her dignity was stripped and self-worth eroded.
Her story begins at the age of 15 and continues off and on until she was 22. Her’s is a story of emotional, psychological and physical abuse.
It didn’t begin immediately, in fact, there weren’t any signs until they had been dating for almost a year. The signs weren’t obvious, especially to a 15 year-old, but it began with him telling her that he didn’t like the shirts she wore, or that her skirt was too short; at the time, it was easy to mistake jealousy and control for adoration. It soon progressed to name-calling, insults, unfounded accusations, degradation, humiliation and isolation. The first step in domestic violence is to charm the victim; the second is to isolate the victim. Once it begins, it will continue to get worse.
She began believing she deserved the abuse, and thought everybody else believed she was who he said she was. The hell became so familiar that it was easier to stay rather than leave. It was easier to live with the shame and guilt in secrecy. It was easier to stay and suffer in private than to try to leave and be humiliated in public.
She was stuck in a psychological trap and didn’t know whom to turn to and nobody could help her.
She tried to leave a few times, he would threaten to commit suicide, or worse. The relationship took an emotional toll to the point where she was getting severe panic attacks. She ended up in the hospital a few times and was put in counseling but she never spoke about the abuse. She didn’t want anybody to know. She lied for and about him.
She told nobody.
Nobody knew she had been threatened with a gun.
Nobody knew she had been punched so hard she was almost knocked out.
Nobody knew about the head butts each time he didn’t agree with something she did or didn’t do.
Nobody knew the reason that her windshield had shattered was because he had punched it in a fit of rage over what she had worn to school that day.
Nobody knew about the many deliberate close call, head-on collisions while he was threatening to “kill us both.”
Finally, after almost eight years of abuse, she knew she had to leave. Not because of some fight or big blowout, she was just done. She was tired. She can’t explain it. She just didn’t want to feel that way any longer.
She knew if she stayed, all of those dreams she had when she was a little girl would never be realized. She knew that if she continued on this path, she might never see the light through the darkness. She was broken and knew only she could fix her. So she did. She broke up with him and moved out of the state a week later. She knew if she didn’t leave she could fall back into the cycle. She knew if she wanted any life at all, she had to choose no matter what the cost.
She had to get far away and start over.
It took many years to repair the mental and emotional damage, but she’s here to say that it is possible. She is not bitter or resentful, she forgave him the day she left, but she knew that she wanted more out of life. Although she had been stripped of all remnants of self-worth, she found an ounce of esteem that told her that she deserved better.
Physical abuse is dangerous but psychological abuse is deeply-rooted.
In those moments, she desperately needed somebody who understood her. Somebody who could guide her back to herself. But she chose to keep her secret hidden, she chose to protect the people she loved, she chose to find her own way. It took years to heal, but she did it. She found her voice and rebuilt her foundation on self-acceptance and self-love. She now lives an extraordinary life full of purpose, with a grand vision to change the world. She has married the man of her dreams which would not have been possible if she hadn’t worked to change her beliefs about herself.
Today, her mission is to help survivors of domestic violence reclaim their power, forgive themselves, repair their brokenness, heal their soul, and discover their magic.
For all of those times he said she was ugly and worthless, she has made it her mission. For all of those times he called her a tramp and a whore, she has made it her mission. All of those times he felt strong because she looked weak, only made her stronger. And for all those times he tried to strip her of her spirit and she felt that she had no value, she made it her mission. Although domestic violence defines individuals in ways beyond comprehension, she will only allow it to push her further than she ever dreamed, beyond all doubts and fears, and towards her bliss.