“…Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate…” (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:12)
The biblical teaching that God has created a woman for each man, and that a union of God should not be separated, has been the underlying understanding of the laws of marriage in Catholic and Christian societies, which has had quite an influence upon the general law of marriage in our country as well. This belief has been the basis of many rigid laws that discourage legal separations and divorces. Despite the many religious and cultural values that try to uphold the sanctity of marriage, divorce rates of many countries including ours, have been increasing at a very unusual speed.
A war!
In Sri Lanka, applying for a divorce in a court of law itself, is the beginning of a war! The love and affection between the couple at the time of marriage has turned into a race to prove who’s right and who’s wrong, before the other does, at the end of which a couple once deeply in love are turned into strangers who refuse to even look at each others’ face. This poses a question… Is this how it should be? Is this what a law should aim at?
The law provides three grounds for divorce, i.e, malicious desertion, adultery after marriage and incurable impotency during the course of marriage. The third ground is based on medical evidence. But, the basis of all three is that the general marriage law of Sri Lanka provides for ‘fault based’ divorces, the practicality of which has been highly debated in recent times.
Unlike Sri Lanka, many countries have now begun to change their legal systems in a liberal manner, to grant ‘non-fault based’ divorces. A divorce is granted on the basis that an irreparable damage has occurred to the matrimonial bond. Legal experts in support of non-fault based divorces argue, if both spouses entered into matrimony with mutual consent, they should be given an opportunity to rescind the contract of marriage with mutual consent. When the court realizes that the couple is unable to maintain a peaceful and happy life together, or that the marriage is an unsuccessful one, or when incompatibilities between the two are extremely difficult to adjust, a legal separation or a divorce is granted by the law.
Not only in European countries, but this practice is carried out in Asian countries as well. India is a good example. Despite the highly conservative society, the Indian judiciary now grants divorce, based on mutual consent and on reasonable grounds,
other than the traditional statutory grounds of adultery, cruelty, malicious desertion, conversion to another religion, etc...
A ‘good wife’
Indian philosopher, Kautilya, once described the role of an ideal wife. According to him, a good wife should serve her husband as a mother, during daytime she should serve him as a sister, and at night she should serve him as a prostitute. It would not be wrong to state that even in the Sri Lankan context the attitudes of men are built upon similar grounds. Such rigid religious and cultural practices and ideologies have been fossilized within the minds of the people, and has provided for the construction of rigid laws, and the prevalence of such laws for a long period. But, the reality does not show the same anymore.
Statistical evidence shows that divorce rates are critically rising at a dangerous speed. On the one hand, it can be identified as a burning issue within the current social and cultural context of the country. But, on the other hand, it would be correct to say that the rising divorce rate also shows the stability, consistency and independence of the lives of many Lankan women, as opposed to the past. The early societies rendered women helpless, and dependent on their husbands, sons or brothers. The lack of education and economic dependency made them suffer silently, and tolerate the pain, as it was the only option for their survival. They could not even think of leaving a drunk, abusive husband or a family of hostile in-laws. It is not so with modern women, who strive to accomplish more, with each passing day.
Times have changed
She is economically independent. She is now empowered with the rights earned by feminists’ movements and human rights movements, throughout the world. Female literacy levels are extremely high. Nearly eighty percent of the undergraduate student population in government universities consists of female students. She is able to play an independent role in society with much more confidence than before. These circumstances have led to the moulding of society in such a way that women have been able to separate from their husbands and live independent lives, at times even raising children on their own.
But, this should not be misinterpreted as a breaking point of Kautilya’s definition of a ‘good wife’, and come to narrow conclusions that independent women are a sign of a broken family. Marriage is considered to be an ‘essential’ factor for a household to be stable. Neither can this be absolutely true or false. Discouraging divorce in order to preserve a family is not always the best solution. It is high time that society understood that entering into a marriage is not an achievement, but, yet another stage of life, especially, for women.
Change of attitude
Many couples now live apart from each other without being able to obtain a divorce, as neither spouse has committed any act that constitutes a statutory ground for divorce. The irony lies where they either have to commit one of the offences or wait till the law creates another ground, or an offence.
Marriage and its sanctity should indeed be respected and protected. But, the time has come for us to think twice whether it is the correct decision taken by the law to compel two persons to stay together by force, even when it is apparent that the marriage is breaking. It should be realized that it is a change of attitude along with the initiation of positive perspectives that our society is in need of. The law makers should also strive to create a more comfortable legal background to cater to the current needs of society.